New Sun
by Midnight-Blues1
Summary: Beginning a new life would be easy if one did not have to finish what the previous started. Picking up the Snake and Meryl that MGS4's ending did not.
1. Chapter 1

Written as a long pent-up rant against the ending for Metal Gear Solid 4. Meryl's quest for closure.

**New Sun**

**Chapter 1**

The war was over. The war of wars was over.

Meryl's jeep cut over the dusty concrete of the army compound. A week and a half ago the world was on the brink military enslavement. Over the following days her team was recognized for their contributions. Roy Campbell may one day be called 'dad.' Then her team was disbanded, as well as herself, in lieu of the cover-up pertaining to anyone involved with the fall of the Patriots' power. It was almost funny how quickly things in this world ramp up, crash down, and get put away. She had engaged in numerous campaigns since Shadow Moses, and it was still not something she was not completely used to. The dreams and sleepless nights. She no longer gawked at the mention of PTSD. It always took her some time to wind down. There was no kill switch. Perhaps there should never be one. The military was still, and would always be her home. Only this time around there would be a new start-albeit by mandatory order-for everyone.

Except for Snake. Always one step ahead, Snake had disappeared. Once again.

Meryl's grip on the shifter tightened. In the beginning there was barely a hello. In the end, not even a good-bye.

The nine years that had passed between them was topped off with less an than a conversation's worth of dialogue. For years she had trained, studied, fought, and drove herself to realize the potential she one day hoped would catch his attention. As time wore on, she then wanted to realize it for herself. And to prove that if they were to meet again, she would be okay. She had long shed the idolization of her youth. The more battles she engaged in, the more she understood the desire to protect those around her; the reason Snake had derailed from his mission to save her in Shadow Moses. It was the preciousness of life, and the innocence of those who did not have to share his world.

_And I chose this. It was choice. Not Fate's. Not yours._

She had trained hard so that one day, she might be good enough to fight beside him. Protect him.

But Meryl would have never anticipated the abrupt re-introduction that it came down to. It bluffed all the cards in her deck. She had lost her composure more than once. The system upon which her entire team had relied betrayed them, just as he forewarned. And she had scoffed at him for it. He had saved her again.

Then he saved them all.

The jeep crossed onto the airfield. The Nomad sat idle, undergoing a maintenance check. She brought the vehicle to a halt near the cargo ramp and roughly shoved it into park.

_Enough of this running. If this is all done you should be, too._

Inside the Nomad, Otacon sat engaged in a pile of reports and documents, muttering things to himself and tossing every other sheet into the waste basket. "I can't believe these stats. Ridiculous. Are these really today's standards?"

"Otacon?"

Not looking in her direction he replied, "Hm, Meryl? Step on in."

"Do you have a moment?"

Otacon glanced from his papers and loosely arranged them into a pile. "Sure. Just assessing some potential education institutions for Sunny. Today's public school system is…a little lacking I think. And MIT laughed me off the phone." He spun around in his chair.

Meryl grimaced. "Where's Snake?"

A momentary silence filled the makeshift computer space of the cargo bay.

"He's not here."

Meryl marched up to the desk. It gave Otacon a sinking feeling. "No kidding. Where? I want to—need-to see him. He's been out of sight since we got back to base."

Otacon turned to face the computer monitor. There was no 'we' for him. The reflection of the undulating radio frequencies and global maps danced on his glasses. He did not respond immediately. "He needs to be alone. He wanted-at least some time—to be away from everything. And everyone. It's surprised even me. Come to think of it, it does make sense. After all, he's had my unfortunate company for a long time. Too many reminders of the life he's had, I suppose. Everywhere. It's…going to be difficult for him, you know? It's already difficult for me." Otacon forced his voice to remain steady. He somehow managed to give a empty laugh. "Don't try calling. He'll be the last person on this earth to own a Bluetooth."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No."

Her eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms. "Really."

"Meryl."

"Look at me."

Otakon turned towards her as if his neck was suddenly suffering from a cramp. She could see his eyes searching for some invisible answer. God, he was never good with handling women. Perhaps he could have learned a few things from Naomi about holding his ground; a look from the doctor melted him like butter. On the other hand, Meryl's glare burned like hell.

"You're lying."

"Meryl, you've got to understand, it's not my place to open up what space is his!"

"It's not all about him! Did he tell you to keep the lid on it?"

"No, but, I'm—"

Meryl grabbed hold of Otacon's collar, and, raising him to his feet, and shook him with a force that surprised even herself. The frustration with Snake was hard enough.

"Then it's not your problem. If he doesn't want to see me, I'll deal with it, but until then, that's not the issue! I don't have that time! Once more, Otacon. Tell me. Where's Snake?"

The urgency, ferocity in her eyes, suddenly reminded him of someone. The only other time he had the daylights shaken out of him was when he first met the very person she was looking for. Otacon looked up at the ceiling, suddenly lost in memory. Snake's gruff voice resounded in his mind.

"_What is Metal Gear really designed for? Where do I find it?"_

"_Why, it's a mobile TMD. I-It's designed to shoot down nuclear missiles—"_

"_Liar! Tell me where it is!" _

He never let on that he had almost soiled himself then. Ironic how things come around like this. Somehow it always came to him as the point person for information. And the 'liar.' He closed his eyes and smiled. "Guess this is why I need to stick around, Snake."

During his silence Meryl had let the anger seep away. What was he talking about? And what's with that face? Her hands relinquished their hold on his collar and moved to rest on his shoulders. Her fingers gave him a light squeeze.

"I'm sorry, Otacon. You're not the only one who cares about him."

Otacon looked at her and pushed his glasses back up with his finger. "I know, Meryl. I know."

"British Columbia, Canada."

"He's in the outskirts. It's no Alaska, but it's close enough and not far by plane. The Nomad won't be clear until tomorrow. However, I can arrange for you to head out today."

"Thanks Otacon."

"Just do something for me when you see him?"

"Hn."

"Tell him to give me a call. I've been worried."

"You mother hen."

As he watched Meryl exit the Nomad, her form became a silhouette against the bright light outside. Given all the time he spent in dark rooms, in front of a screen, it made him squint a little a longer than most people. He could not live in the Nomad forever.

A new life. In the sun. In the light. For those used to darkness, it would burn every time.

"Go get'em Meryl."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Alaska. The air was brisk and clean. The waters chill and pure. It was there that she watched the caribou journey across the frozen vista outlined by snow-covered mountains.

_So where to, Snake?  
_

_David. My name is David._

He was like an unassuming knight on a white snowmobile. She recalled the gratuitous opportunity offered to her when he told her hold tight during the ride across the snow. The scent of sweat and gun oil mixed faintly with the wind that whipped her tousled hair. She remembered how his muscles tensed slightly when she rested her head against his back, then slowly relaxed again. Alaska. So many things started there, and ended just as much.

"10 kilometers to your destination."

The vehicle's navigation system broke through her momentary reminiscence. Meryl felt a single butterfly flutter its wings in hers stomach. She concentrated on the dirt road ahead. This was not that same place. Not that same time. If this world would be kinder, it should not have to be. Alaska had been his retreat. This Canadian wilderness was nonetheless beautiful; a maze of forest and crystalline streams. A moose lazily forded the icy river to the other side. The wind swept across the golden fields of grass while the pines rustled at its touch. The air was cool and fresh with the smell of green. Civilization was only an hour away along one of the few main roads. It seemed fitting. Even for her, living in the bustling midst of a cosmopolitan city might do a number on her nerves. But it was good to know that the city was within convenient reach. People were there if he wanted to be amongst them.

As she closed in on Otacon's provided coordinates, the one butterfly became ten. She had said that if Snake did not want to see her, she would deal with it then. Her foot lifted a little from the accelerator. It was easy to dive into a mission. To gear up, lock, load, and step out to face the world as if all its force was behind her, driving her resolve. But the moment the doors closed behind her, each must still hold their own. It was this skill of improvision against constant change on the battlefield that embodied the true fight. This mission came as an order from her heart. She had not thoroughly thought out a back up plan if an un-welcome party presented itself, and such was highly likely. The heat of her anger had been melted away on her way here; cooled by the imagery that surrounded her and conjured old memories not forgotten. She was now feeling the other half that surfaced only when she was able to lie down to sleep in the quiet of night; the need to fill the void she could not close on her own. Old and new questions. Uncertainty. Sadness. She could not tie these loose ends because someone had been holding half of them.

Still, if something was strong enough to get her here, it could not be a fruitless cause, however the result. She could not regret why she had come. Even now, the thought of Snake was teaching her something. In his life, there probably wasn't a single mission in which he wasn't prepared to die trying to accomplish. He did it because it was right, and because there was no one else. She had no excuse to waver in the face of abstract, non-threatening obstacles, much less the doubts of her own mind. Some questions people carried to their graves. At the very least, she needed to settle with what hers might be.

The SUV turned off the main road and rumbled across a coarsely cut path through a sunlit wood. There, near the crest of the raised terrain, she could see the side of a small house. A tarp-covered vehicle was parked in the rear.

Meryl pulled up slowly to the house.

"You have arrived at your destination."

For being the primitive voice of a GPS, the words sounded so much more intense. Her eyes focused on the front door as she removed the key. Her feet suddenly felt like lead. The dried leaves crunched loudly under the weight of her boots. As she ascended the covered wooden porch, she tried to ignore the sounds of her approach. Even the rustle of her cargo pants sounded louder than they should.

_Ok, this was it. Don't blow the halfway point by turning back._

She raised her hand to knock. The doubt was starting to morph into a strange sense of dread. Somehow, just being, here, and knowing that Snake was alive, here, gave her comfort. If only she could sustain that sliver of gratification, this would not suddenly seem so hard. An invisible force may well have been holding her knuckles in place, because she had been standing there for several minutes.

"You know I never use the front door."

Meryl looked up and to her side. There he was, standing at the side of the house. Hopefully not as a ghost; she never heard him coming, and he could have been there for some time. Meryl lowered her hand. Snake was who he was, through and through. In the chill of the autumn air he stood before her, wearing a dark wool turtleneck sweater and woodsman pants.

They regarded each other in silence. Now that the chance presented itself, neither could think of an appropriate greeting. Then Snake tilted his head slightly. "Otacon, huh?"

Meryl mimicked him likewise. "You should have called."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

12 days ago. The U.S. Airbase.

The sun had long disappeared under the horizon. Otacon finished tucking Sunny in aboard the Nomad, and proceeded to wash the stack of dishes and dark frying pan in the small utility sink. Sunny's cooking had gotten better, though he still didn't have the heart to tell her how tedious it was to scrub off the remnants of burned eggs. Her last batch did come out very well. Perhaps the best she had made so far; the yolks were bright and the whites were tender and crisped along the edges. Snake had silently eaten his entire serving that morning; it was the first time he had done so, on top of the nod he gave her when she came to retrieve his plate. Sunny had never seen Snake in a suit before. He appeared so unassuming...ordinary. Then he got up, and with some words to Otakon and a long handshake, Snake was gone. Sunny had remained standing next to lanky scientist, still holding the empty plate and looking out through the Nomad's bay doors. Otacon vision began to blur through the tears he would not let the girl see. Snaked looked different today; solemn as usual, but less edgy. Resigned even. And something about it told Otacon to not follow.

"H-He liked them."

Otacon pretended to pinch the bridge of his nose to keep his voice level. "Oh yeah?"

"Yes. Snake really l-liked my eggs today. I could tell. I c-could feel it. Aa-nd, I can try other things now."

Otacon tilted his head back with a long sniffle. "Really…Why's that, Sunny?"

The girl pointed to the chicken cages. "B-because there are no more."

They were now open and empty. Someone had let them go. Funny how he didn't even notice the silence in which they were in now. Yet even when some things were gone from the picture, the air was yet filled with something that seeped into every crevice of place they had called home for so long. Memories. It was at that moment that Otacon's heart broke, and the tears flowed without shame.

* * *

The washing of dishes kept Otacon's hands occupied enough to leave him lost in thought for some time. And the stillness of the evening that followed helped to ease the unraveled mess of his emotions. This would take a few days. Come tomorrow, he would look into a establishing a life for Sunny; a real life. He would give her a chance to experience the school days he had taken for granted, and the social skills he never cared to develop. He would give her the opportunity to be a normal child, and to know how to laugh. Sunny should not have to live like him. Was that not something to look forward to? Otacon thought to himself with a small smile. "Starting tomorrow. With bacon and sausage."

The sudden sound of movement came from below, followed by a familiar groan and heavy steps upon the thick steel floor. Otacon looked up sharply. He did leave the bay doors open. He had barely wiped the suds from his hands when he reached the bottom of the narrow stairway, and struggled to keep his anxiousness under wraps. Maybe it was selfish, but anything to see his old friend standing was completely negligible. Otacon did not have many to begin with. Of all people, he liked to think that he had one of the best. And one was good enough.

Snake was still wearing his brown suit, and clutching a large duffle bag in his right hand. He was quiet as he hovered over the wastebasket near Otacon's desk, looking down at the pack of cigarettes in his free hand. He stood there for a while, and as if reading Otacon's thoughts of curiosity, he let cigarettes drop without a word. "Change of plan."

"And change of habit?"

Snake replied dryly. "Those things will kill you." He paused before adding, "I might die tomorrow, but I'm not dead today. Mission got an extension."

"…where are you going to go?"

"Somewhere to find out where that might be. Just because you save the world does not mean you've saved yourself. But maybe that's not the point.." He heft the duffle back over his shoulder "…I'll be in touch."

Otacon's expression lifted into a sad, hopeful smile. "You got it. You know where I'll be, so…don't be too long."

* * *

It would have been convenient to believe that two weeks' time proved too much for the guy. Snake knew otherwise the moment he heard the rumbling sounds of a vehicle coming through the woods. Otacon was not a tough nut to crack.

From the back door he rounded the corner of house silently, moving amongst the leaves with a practiced step. He had been declared dead too many times to have callers dropping by whenever he took a 'vacation'. And some old habits should never die if he was bent on living. Snake peered slowly around the edge of the house. He half-hoped that perhaps it might be the Colonel, to whom he had not spoken since near the end of his last mission. Half-hoped. He quietly holstered the desert eagle when he saw it was Meryl. Close, but no cigar. While he did not regard her amongst the obvious unwanted visitors, she was yet none of those whom he was up to dealing with. She had built her career without him, and he was moving on. Or so he thought he was; perhaps just not fast enough.

Meryl had changed much since Shadow Moses. She was stronger, more capable, more focused; could handle a Desert Eagle in each hand. And yet it was all accentuated by the same aspects of an otherwise unchanged personality; obstinate, stubborn, and admirably determined to a degree of frustration. She would follow and fight for an ideal. Even now, she was still fighting. If such were the dreams of a soldier, she would find no peace. Not even here.

She stood before his door with her head slightly bent and shoulders stiff. Her jaw was tight was some unspoken thought, and in her distraction she did not notice him come into view. Snake sighed inwardly. Too much thinking causes headaches.

"You know I never use the front door."

Her remark, once she recovered from being caught off guard, did not surprise him. But in between neither was certain if in that silence the space between them had become tinged with old familiarity, or filled with new regard. They were not the same people. And yet this story had already played over in each of their minds.

Snake shook his head and muttered, "That mother hen."

Meryl's smirked flashed, then faded as her more serious expression surfaced. "You just left."

"Retired."

"You could have said something. Told me."

Snake grimaced. He did not want to deal with this. It was good to see her, but not like this. Not for any longer than it took to get the job done.

"And what would you have liked me to say? I don't have time to be hopping onto some 'Welcome Back' parade and shaking the hands of people who are supposed to think I'm dead. You and your team is the new face of order now. You should be elsewhere keeping it."

"That's not why I'm here."

"This is something I have to deal with. I'm done, Meryl. There is nothing left that needs me."

Meryl beamed. Perhaps nothing. But not no one. This was the point of no return. What she previously did not know she would do in this moment, before him, she knew now. And the words rang clear. "Wanna bet?"

Any step backward would forever close the door not yet opened before her. And it was right here. Snake was right here. He was bigger and stronger than her, but that held no weight in this fight; neither did his rigid expression nor the shadow under which she sometimes found herself. Where she was standing no one else could ever be. She had earned this right, and if the world never would never know if it, she did not care. If it was testing her, she would not waver. Everything in the past year had been an illusion. In the end, even illusion had to be based on truth.

Each time the world called, Snake had answered. What it wanted of him, he gave, and it cost him his body, his youth, and his trust in the very powers that furnished his hellish journeys across the globe.

Meryl was not the world.

It was a while before Snake acknowledged her with a grunt and turned around. Half-hoped. Whichever half that was, half was still half. _Be careful what you wish for. _

As he began to move he motioned to her, not bothering looking over his shoulder. "I hope you like your coffee black."

Meryl would allow herself to smile a little at the thought. Snake had let her in. It just wasn't through the front door.


End file.
